Bored with Your Relationship? Give it a Re-boot

Too many couples wait until their relationship is in peril before they consider giving their relationship a re-boot. Maybe you are in a coupled relationship where maintaining the status quo is the ideal as asking for more from your partner may result in you getting less. Perhaps your relationship has long since seen the days of romantic love where the two of you looked into each other’s eyes with rose-colored glasses.

The reality is that being in a coupled relationship can become challenging quickly when you live in NYC and face the pressures of a high cost of living, close quarters, student debt, stressful jobs and parenting (just to name a few). Let’s face it—for most coupled New Yorkers the end game is just to get by. As a result, it is common for couples therapists to hear the complaint, “we’re not fun anymore.”

To the untrained couples therapist, an easy answer to this question might be: date night. Yes, we all like a good date night but for some couples this is neither common nor realistic. This begs the question: How can we fix this problem?

Through play. Yes, I said it—that thing we all did as children, but sometimes refuse to do as adults. While the definition of “play” can have different meanings, feelings associated with play often include: catharsis, openness, novelty, flexibility, risk taking, and positive emotion. Play is associated with fun and pleasure. Play can occur with or without intentionality. Now think: When is the last time you had play in your relationship? When is the last time you felt the rush of joy and excitement related to your partner?

Many will answer that the last time they experienced any form of play in their relationship was in the beginning stages of romantic love and over time those experiences dwindled. However, this does not have to be the case, as play can be as small or as large as you want it to be. In fact, integrating a play-based mindset into everyday living is often the best way to maintain positivity and connectivity in your relationship.

Simple ways to incorporate a play-based mindset into everyday living can include easy things such as smiling. Smiling releases endorphins making way for opportunities of positivity and connectivity. Embrace humor. Flex your muscles together—whether this is exercising together or trying something out of your comfort zone. Have unique nicknames for one another. Allow yourselves to be silly with one another—whether it is an impromptu dance party or simple playfulness. Hang out with other couples. Get dressed up for one another. Lastly, dream together. Couples that can create a shared vision for their future not only allow their imaginations to flourish and take a break from the pressures of the here and now but also co-create a shared narrative.

Reference: We’re No Fun Anymore: Helping Couples Cultivate Joyful Marriages Through the Power of Play, by Robert Schwarz and Elaine Braff

Need help with incorporating play and lightness in your relationship call 347-395-3517 for a free 15 minute consultation or to schedule a session.