Police Less, Enjoy Parenting More: Try Mindful Parenting:

Mindfulness is a very IN trend these days—just consider how many apps, ads, and articles you encounter  on this topic. As someone who aims to incorporate aspects of mindfulness into my daily living, I notice that I feel calmer, more regulated, and even more insightful following a good meditation. But what can this practice do for those of us who are parents? Good question.

Let’s start with the word “discipline,” which stems from the Latin derivative “discipulus,” which means pupil or learner. To discipline is to teach. To be disciplined is to learn. That said, one of the most important tenets of parenthood is to guide children towards maturation and teach them how navigate the tasks of daily living so that they can become successful adults. The hope of good parenting is that you can help develop your child’s capacity for motivation and growth so that you police less and enjoy more.

Sounds like a daunting task, right? It doesn’t need to be. According to Shauna Shapiro and Chris White, authors of “ Mindful Discipline,” this goal can be achieved by having parents embracing three tenets of mindfulness—intention, attention, and attitude—which foster compassionate parenting and compassionate relating.

What is intention?

Intentionality is identifying what is most important for you children. It helps to slow down the disciplinary process. Parenting with intentionality is separating yourself from the feelings that arise when your child has wronged and truly thinking about the opportunity at hand. What is the most important message to instill in him/her/? How will your subsequent actions or consequences convey that message?

What is attention?

We go through most of our lives paying little attention to attention. In mindful parenting, attending means to bring yourself into the present– the here and now. Attending allows parents to see both themselves and their children clearly. With such clarity parents can examine how they are feeling about their child’s actions in the moment as well as consider how their child feels about their behavior. By bringing awareness to the here and now, parents are better able to regulate their emotions allowing for teachable moments to occur between themselves and their children.

What is attitude?

This question might seem like the easiest part of mindful parenting to answer, but for many the answer to this question is the most challenging. In mindful parenting, parents are asked to take a stance of open-mindedness and curiosity. A stance that supports acceptance and love. For some, this shift in parenting attitude might feel challenging at first but with practice can allow parents to see the ways their children really need them.

Mindful parenting provides parents the opportunity to develop skills to tackle each challenging moment with love, kindness, and acceptance as well as allows for states of forgiveness and compassion.  

Reference: Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits & Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Shauna Shapiro, PhD and Chris White, MD

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Hope Kelaher Therapy

Hope Kelaher is a licensed clinical social worker with a private psychotherapy practice serving lower Manhattan, FIDI, SOHO, and Tribeca areas of NYC. Hope provides individual therapy, couples counseling, and family therapy.